|
Volunteer Newsletter
Mary Wallace “Arms Wide Open”
Volunteer Spotlight:
Mary Wallace
“Arms Wide Open”
By Debbie Rich
Have you ever felt someone’s energy through a phone call? It is rare for me, but when I spoke with our Tu Nidito volunteer, Mary Wallace, I felt her energy – and her warmth, compassion and sense of humor. Mary came to Tucson after having lived 30 years in Los Angeles as a television reporter, producer, director and writer. Her work took her on travels around the country, meeting real life people and sharing their stories through segments and series on HBO, NBC and PBS. She loved her work and shared “I had fun almost every day.”
Mary came to grief work after having her best friend die from breast cancer. Although she had experienced grief before, the death of this friend moved her to explore grief support groups in her area. She landed at one in at Glendale Adventist Hospital. During her 8 months with the group she grew into the role of facilitator. She found grief work extremely fulfilling and helped to start a group for adults grieving a death by suicide.
Fast forward to Mary’s retirement to Tucson. She found Tu Nidito after exploring volunteer opportunities to work with those grieving. She shared, “while at Tu Nidito’s one night, I spotted someone who was so familiar to me and I asked if she had attended a grief support group at Adventist Hospital in Glendale?” She had! This person was Tu Nidito’s Support Specialist (now Bereavement Programs Manager) Serena Sahajian. Mary was so happy to see Serena and shared that it gave her the strength to go forward through the world with her arms wide open.
Mary values Tu Nidito’s grief support programs because they are experiential and not just rhetoric. She found her heart with the Middles and shared, “I love the Middles because they are ages 8-12 and so am I. It is a high honor to walk with these kids and it means so much to be with them – to giggle with them and cry with them.” Completing her thought with, “we cry because there isn’t a definitive answer.” Mary ended the conversation with, “in many ways my heart would sometimes miss a beat without Tu Nidito.”
Mary is enjoying her retirement. She fills her time with art of all kinds. Once a year she finds herself in the small town of Dillion Montana fly fishing, which is her passion. She has only missed one season in the last 20 years. She describes her time there as spiritual “there is so much room for me there and we have a million laughs together as we fish the clear fresh waters.”
Mary is a Tu Nidito treasure. Her energy is effusive. Her passion and compassion are contagious. It was an honor to learn her story and to share it with all of you.
A Moving Experience
A Moving Experience, Volunteer Training
By: Debbie Rich, Director of Philanthropy and Communications
I got up on a beautiful Saturday morning to attend the Tu Nidito volunteer training that was held on January 28th. As a new employee, I was excited to learn about the volunteer training and meet our incoming volunteers. I noticed that I was running a few minutes late, but wasn’t too concerned – saying to myself, “this is Tucson, no one is ever on time”. I drove into the parking lot and it was packed at 8:55. Everyone was inside ready to go, waiting for the day to start.
I was greeted by Lynda Stites, our Coordinator of Volunteer Services, I could feel her warmth and excitement for the upcoming day. The Tu Nidito living room was full, only one empty seat remained. I looked around at the 25 incoming volunteers and I could feel the same warmth I felt from Lynda. This was going to be an amazing day.
Serena Sahajian, Bereavement Programs Manager, and Amerika McDaniel, Bi-lingual support specialist, were set to lead the training. Together these 2 individuals embody all that Tu Nidito aspires to provide for clients and volunteers: warmth, empathy, calm, curiosity and that important spark of joy. I could tell they were totally prepared to hold this space and ensure that these volunteers had the tools and perspective they would need to be effective with our clients.
Jumping right into the day, they posed a check-in question evoking connection with the group. The simple act of moving from person to person to learn their names and what brought them to the training created community. Everyone was there for the same reason, to learn, listen and absorb the empathetic energy it takes to support those who grieve. I was taken aback by the attendees, the group was comprised of college students, retirees, working folks and a few past program clients. Each one had a deep connection to Tu Nidito’s mission of creating a community of acceptance and understanding for those grieving a serious medical condition or death. Not all had firsthand experience, yet all had the desire to be of service.
I was immersed in the learning and the tools and tactics Serena and Amerika shared to ready us all to support those grieving. When I think of what stood out most, these words come to mind, “trust the process; I will never know how you feel, and I am here for you; everyone has the tools to work through grief, our service is to walk alongside them; turn to a child and say… I am listening.” Such powerful tools!
I asked Lynda, Serena and Amerika to share their “AHA” moments…
Lynda responded, “I was really impressed by the trainers, Serena and Amerika, and their breadth of knowledge and insight, as well as their preparation and attention to detail. Our volunteer trainees were all engaged and asked good questions. I thought our group had some diversity that will benefit our families.”
Serena reflected, “What struck me the most, was how this group of volunteers already had a great foundation of knowledge around how to support and be empathetic. The way they were able to provide examples on why certain phrases or actions were helpful or unhelpful from their own personal grief experiences not only showed us, as staff, that they are going to make great facilitators, but also provided additional training material for their peers in the group. I was really blown away by that!”
Amerika shared “Something that stood out to me was before going on our tour of Tu Nidito, we went over reflective/active listening and how important it is to parrot back what the kids are saying so that they know we are listening. During our mocking talking circle all of the volunteers participated in the parroting process, which was really neat to see!”
Stay tuned for the next volunteer training dates and join us for the magic of Tu Nidito.
Dueling Pianos
Thank you for coming to Dueling Pianos at Arts Express Theater! It was an amazing evening of song and dance and fun. Because of your support and attendance at the event, we raised $13,461.00 in tips! Thank you for your song requests and generous tips.
Because of you, we are able to offer our programs to children, teens, young adults and caregivers free of charge, in Spanish and English. Funds raised will support the addition of a peer to peer support group night for families grieving the death of a loved one.
With grateful hearts,
Your Friends at Tu Nidito
PS: Plans are underway for Dueling 2024! See you in September.
Thank You Sponsors!
Jose & Adriana Rincon
Tu Nidito Teens Create a Holiday Support Guide
Tu Nidito Teens Create a Holiday Support Guide
Most people think of the holiday as a time of joy, surrounded with the love of family and the warmth of the season. For others the holidays bring sadness as they are flooded with memories of past holidays. At Tu Nidito, we know for many of our kids the sadness is profound. During the month of December our groups focus on how to navigate the holidays while you are grieving the death of a special person. We encourage authentic feelings and acknowledge and validate every individual and their feelings, whatever they are: joy, sadness, anger and regret.
Tu Nidito teens helped each other by sharing how they would support someone who was having a hard time during the holidays. Their answers are wise, relevant and so helpful.
What is a good way to bring a smile to someone’s face when they are having a really hard time and missing their special person during the holidays?
“Give them necessary space.”
“Surprise them with something they like, hot chocolate for example.”
“Ask them what they would like to do.”
“Surprise them with their favorite food.”
“Talk to them and kind of distract them with things they want.”
“Surround yourself with people you know will make you happy and you can start new traditions with them instead of focusing on the old ones.”
“Listen to Music.”
If you could create a holiday comfort kit for someone your age who is grieving, what items would you include?
“Stress ball or fidget spinner.”
“Music and headphones. Yummy holiday food!”
“A notepad, something that reminded me of them and music they would listen to.”
“Something to hug.”
“Friends, food, movies, a comfy place and board games.”
“A phone, AirPods and an art kit.”
What can you do if you feel overwhelmed and need a break?
“Go outside. Call someone comforting. Find a dog!”
“Spend time alone. Binge a comfort show or movie.”
“Stay in my room alone, use the comfort kit and hangout with animals.”
“Go to an empty room.”
“Breathe, calm down. Thinking helps me not to be irrational.”
“Listen to music and go to my room and take deep breaths. Go to the lake park.”
What are some kind or helpful things to say to someone like you who is grieving the death of a special person?
“I am here for you. I understand. Can I do anything to help?”
“Ask them: ‘what was their name?’ ‘What can I do to make you feel better?’”
“That they are not alone.”
“I’m sorry your mom died, I hope you’ll feel better. I am here for you.”
December Newsletter
|
November News
|
The Wisdom of Sophia Dunne
Volunteer Spotlight
The Wisdom of Sophia Dunne
Sophia Dunne, a Tu Nidito intern and senior at the University of Arizona, never thought she would work with grieving children. She was studying with her friend Jasmine, an avid Tu Nidito volunteer and advocate, when she overheard Jasmine’s presentation via Zoom to a group of college students. Jasmine told the story of a little boy who lives two hours away from Tu Nidito and “begs” his parents to bring him to a support group twice a month. Sophia thought to herself this place must be pretty special if a child begs to travel 4 hours roundtrip to spend 90 minutes in a support group.
In her studies in public health and political science, Sophia has grown passionate about systemic health disparities and is focused on a career path to address global health inequities. Perhaps this is why the story of the little boy, who travels two hours to a support group, sparked her curiosity. She had a true “AHA” moment during her studies when she realized how different the world looks depending on where you live and your access to the resources others might take for granted. Having grown up with access, she became focused on figuring out how to change the systems that preclude it.
During my conversation with her I felt her commitment to finding solutions and dedicating her life to this work. And she is using the skills and knowledge she gained at Tu Nidito as a springboard. She shared that the volunteer training changed her world view. She uncovered something about herself that so many of us feel, saying, “How can I help them – how will they trust me? I don’t have the same experiences.” Sophia thought she had to fix people and wondered how she could if she didn’t share their life experiences.
In her words, “The training is intentional, as is the work of Tu Nidito. There is a “WHY” that is uncovered for everything we do and say.” At Tu Nidito, we practice what we preach, we uphold our values of caring, responding and making a difference. She shared the simplicity of passing the talking stick in a support group and how it gives participants the time and space needed to reflect and speak or pass the stick to another. We honor the silence. She understands this work is about listening and deeply hearing what is being shared.
Attending her first group as a trained volunteer sent her into a bit of a tailspin. It is our practice to go through the group roster naming who will be attending and their loved one’s cause of death. She panicked, thinking, “How am I supposed to help these kids? I can’t fix them.” At that moment, the training came full-circle. She was not present to fix anyone. The kids were doing the heavy lifting, they will fix themselves, they know best. Sophia knew her place was to provide resources and to listen. She shared, “Grief is individual, each person’s pain and conflict is so different.”
She goes on to say, “I am continuously blown away by these kids and their level of emotional intelligence. They can verbalize “Today I Feel…”. Their strength and resilience are not a privilege yet a tool they have earned from their experiences. Sophia shared, “We have to honor their journey to resiliency, which is through their experiences of death. They put in so much work and vulnerability to gain their strength and resilience, so the mere compliment of you are “so strong” does not speak to the depth of their work”.
Tu Nidito has taught Sophia that she does not need to be a fixer but rather a listener and it also revitalized her commitment to work with kids. “I love kids! They are refreshing. The way they see their world is authentic.” She shared this with a smile on her face and wonder in her eyes.
Sophia will graduate in May and join the Peace Corps. She wants to experience different perspectives, cultures, beliefs and values, knowing that her journey will inform how she approaches her work to address health disparities and access to care. I know she will do the heavy lifting that she learned from our kids at Tu Nidito as they began to fix themselves.
Tu Nidito Takes Grief and Loss Support Group Training on the Road
Grief and Loss Support Training in Vail
In response to a critical community need addressing the record cases of grief and loss due to the pandemic and resulting deaths from the virus and ripple effect of increased suicide and homicide deaths, Tu Nidito has developed a comprehensive training for school staff and a companion structured 8-week Grief group curriculum.
Amanda Marks MSW, Community Impact Director, describes the need for grief and loss training in the school setting, “The pandemic has drawn attention to grief and loss and how kids are grieving at school. Grief doesn’t have an on off switch, kids are bringing their grief to school. As Southern AZ’s grief and loss experts, Tu Nidito is available to help school personnel better support students during their grief journey. She continued, “one of our core values is – we respond – the pilot training helps us respond to our community’s unmet needs. Equipping school staff with the tools and skills to facilitate a grief and loss group at their school increases a student’s accessibility to peer grief support, thereby helping to ensure that no one (student?) grieves alone”.
Tu Nidito completed the first pilot program for the Vail Unified School District, training 30 school counselors and student service coordinators, on the Tu Nidito model and how to implement best practices when facilitating a support group at their schools. The curriculum includes discussion topics and activities that focus on identifying and expressing emotions, developing coping strategies while at the same time decreasing feelings of isolation and building connections with other students.
Jill Wells, Family Resource Coordinator for the Vail School District, brought the training to the district and participated, she shared, “thank you for all the great information, I loved that you included reminders on how to talk and what to say, and that it takes practice and we should all be practicing.” Her team gave the training great praise saying they want more.
“We are inspired by the Vail Scholl District’s response to our Grief and Loss group training program,” said Liz McCusker, Executive Director, Tu Nidito. “We know the more we provide support, resources and education to our community the closer we come to our vision – No child grieves alone.”
Our partners at NPR dive deeper into the impact of grief and loss post pandemic:
Losing a parent in childhood is the kind of trauma that can change the trajectory of kids’ lives, putting them at risk of having symptoms of anxiety, depression, post-traumatic stress and even poor educational outcomes. Yet few schools have resources in place to help kids going through this. The problem has come into sharp relief during the COVID-19 crisis, which left more than 200,000 kids newly bereft of a parent or primary grandparent caregiver, according to some estimates.
Read the article here
Reflections
Reflections
Dia De Los Muertos at Tu Nidito
Dia de Los Muertos is a tradition celebrated at Tu Nidito, it is truly one of the most special events offered. It is a night where families gather at the little nest and bring an ofrenda, tell the stories of their loved ones and connect with other families about their memories. It reveals a unique space to grieve as a family and to hold each other as we celebrate the life of those who are no longer with us.
The air fills with laughter and joy as families arrive. Each family takes a turn finding a spot on the table for their ofrenda. Memories come in all shapes: pictures, stuffed animals, shirts, pillows and flowers. Children go running to the playground, parents watch them from a safe distance. Through my lens I try to capture the beauty of joy from these families, who I know are grieving. As I see them, I ask myself: who are they thinking of? Who was their loved one? Are they nervous to share? Or possibly looking forward to it?
When the Group Coordinator comes to the microphone, families take their seats. The laughter from the children stops, opening the way to the anticipated nostalgia this night holds.
A poem is read, A Litany of Remembrance – We Remember Them by Rabbi Sylvan Kamens and Rabbi Jack Riemer.
Silence continues to fill the space until Bruce Phillips picks up his guitar, turning the silence into melody:
You’ve been taken from me, and I am still here.
Though you loved me I know so straight and so clear
And I feel like I’m dreaming, hold my hand through the night
And I’ll never forget you, but I’m scared that I might
You groaned at my jokes and you laughed at my songs
You made up great excuses when I did things wrong
And when you went away, you’d ask me along
Except for this last time……so long
Filled to the brim, filled to my eyes
Your heart and mine
You’ll always be with me
And I’ll see you sometime
The melody blends into the night, into the wind and swirls around everyone. Families hold on to each other. Tears roll down our cheeks, we feel our hearts moving. There is no other thought in our minds but of that special person. There is no other wish, but to hold them one more time. There is no greater desire than to connect with them in that moment. There’s no stronger feeling but the love we all have for our special person.
With the song ending, families gather courage and one by one stand up to share their loved one’s story. With each story, the memories of our own special person rise to the surface. Through the lens of my camera, I try and capture the tears, the napkin over someone’s eye, the immediate sadness this grief has brought to them. But as soon as they talk about their loved one, their eyes spark, they smile and, even with a broken voice, they go on to share the life of their special person who has died.
Grandmas, grandpas, mothers, fathers, husbands, wives, sons, daughters.
One by one stories unfold about them, who they were, their favorite things to do, their favorite food, their personality.
Funny, loving, kind, hard-working, generous, smart, fierce, strong.
It is such a beautiful feeling, that in a space among strangers, we can share this moment. We find the relief in connecting with each other’s grief. We do not compare, there’s no greater or lesser grief, there is just grief, in each of us and our journey through it. We are reminded that we are not alone in the feelings of despair, or sadness and the moments of joy.
When everyone has shared, the music fills the night, again, I have to step away and wipe some tears. This night has brought countless memories and feelings. It has brought comfort and a special way to celebrate the life of our loved ones. It has brought joy in thinking of them.
As we share food, there is a slight change, it feels like everyone is closer to each other. As I take more pictures of families, I capture the community Tu Nidito has nurtured and supported. A community in which the grieving come together to remember and honor our loved ones in an open space designed for those who want to share more…
…And also for those in the back, too shy to come forward, sharing their story in their hearts.
We talk about how we feel at Tu Nidito
We begin to heal at Tu Nidito
We tell our story, sing our song
We found a place where we belong
We belong at Tu Nidito
